by
Jaye B.
“You didn’t fall for that RV Mama DARPA bait did you? “ Azazel said as Orderly Jaye approached his bed.
“She’s more real than you are.” The orderly replied defensively and then clamped the intravenous shut. Even though the monitor screen flatlined, Azazel seemed more vivacious than ever.
“And I have the N2S2 notarized birth certificate to prove it and access to records from the National Nuclear Security Administration proving Mama nursed me in the radioactive craters in area 5.” Orderly Jaye said, shaking.
“One would only need to hold a geiger counter up to your little parthenogenesis strawman birthed certificate to see whether or not you’re telling the truth. “ Azazel snickered.
Orderly Jaye took advantage of the touché distraction and pried the pit bull silver medallion out of the fallen one’s forehead with a tongue suppressor and the 3rd eye wound it left gaped deep. The orderly then yanked the crystal capacitor of the day out of Azazel’s claws and jammed it deep into his brain. The fallen one’s head swelled into a balloon and severed from the body, then floated up through the oculus of the Piranesi designed Mt. Hermon hospital and into the ionosphere where it transformed into a pez galaxy, showering the dance floor below with candy photons, right on the heads of Mama and her tweeker kin, all line dancing away, the black lighted chicken coop being generated by smish smashed accelerated particles, which spiraled deep into the dance hall floor to inscribe an imbed code needed for the coming resurrection below.
And then Mama, after a final pirouette, tweek morphed into She-Ra Princess of Power that rose upwards, d-waving her way, via Godlike A.I. , into the atmosphere above Las Vegas, turning into a blimp which had, remora attached underneath her seeded belly, an unsavory array of doctors, lawyers, judges, pimps, pornographers, politicians, producers, defense contractors, CPS and lobbyists all en route to a gala dinner celebration with their best friends in the world aka parasites, free meal tagging along with them.
The She-Ra d-wave blimp then floated over and hooked upon the Stratosphere Tower and the passengers disembarked there and down into the restaurant. Then She Ra vomited up the crystal capacitor which housed a U2 homonculus that instantly daisy cutter exploded, thus decimating all musicians on the strip who dared to play original tunes instead of covers at the clubs, dropping the rebel twangers with its music mafia shrapnel, in a most devastatingly cost effective way. In response, the MSG Sphere sucked in tumbril after tumbril of creative dead and alchemized them into vitreous humor, now more in demand than adrenachrome.
After this, the Ra powered craft floated over to the strip where hundreds of tentacle vacuum tubes emerged from her Precious Princess underside and began etherically sucking up all forms of witchcraft, Wicca, western pasteurized buddhism, Candomblé, homogenized hinduism, 7 day Adventists, yogini Karens, Mormons, JWs, voodoo, Santeria, tarot, Doreen Virtue lower astral plane angel cards, psychics, crone gonif Comte St. Germain channelers, scientologists and wedding chapel ministers that she could find in the LV area and then black hole torsion daiquiri-ed all of her drive stomach contents into 100% pure Antares poison, floated over to the Hoover dam and vomited it all upon the heads of the concrete memorialized six toed ones there, who eagerly sucked the scorpionic ambrosia in and came back to life, standing up and diving in synch with one another, right into Lake Mead like good Naiades and butterfly stroking off, criss crossing their wakes so artfully. (incidentally within the Hollow sham dam is where the Nephilim pineal gland caviar that has repulsed so many on this blog is manufactured.)
The She- Ra 80s trend doll then went over to the Allegiant stadium and vomited some more highly corrosive scorpion snag on the roof of the thing, dissolving it in order to expose greasy haired, acne’d teenage sex slaves used to prototype model a new trafficking franchise side venture, with McDonald’s full in on the investment. All CGI attempts to top quark squelch the exposure coming from Nellis AFB failed and it was revealed that the slaves were being funneled into the tunnels underneath and jettisoned to various vacuum grave destinations and quaquaversally at that.
She Ra then boom slid over to the MSG Sphere for the final blow but used none of the Antares unguent upon it. Rather she descended to its level and reverse birthed the sphere up into her awaiting cold crypt uterus. Only with a mother’s d wave love such as hers could she gestate the Bono homonculus crystal eyeball capacitor enough so that it could Phoenix birth itself right on the solstice! Bono birthed into his very own venom grave where he would gag forever on his own magnificence.
But Orderly Jaye was having none of it. He grabbed onto the balloon string and pulled Azazel’s She Ra masked head back onto its body, still laying in state.
“I need to see a Phoenix Re- birth certificate if you’re going to get any further on with this self promotional chicanery of yours.”
Azazel pouted and looked away. Then with crossed arms blurted, “That’s no way to talk to your Mama.”
And there my real Mama was sitting in her rocker in our RV and playing cat’s cradle with my vas deferens, laughing at how easily conned I get by her backwoods subterfuge.
TBC
©2024-Jaye B.
Please help support Reset News @ Paypal, Cash App , Ko-Fi or contact the author for other options @ jayeb444@protonmail.com
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Jaye B. is a writer, musician and artist. His art criticism has appeared in Art Paper, New North Artscape, Art Muscle, Northfield Magazine and elsewhere. His articles have also appeared in City Pages, Twin Cities Reader, Mysteries Magazine, Fahrenheit San Diego, High Plains Reader, New Dawn and Rain Taxi. He has appeared on BBC Radio, WGN Chicago, WLW Cincinnati and elsewhere in the mediasphere to discuss his work. Please help support Reset News @ Paypal, Cash App , Ko-fi or contact the author for other options @ jayeb444@protonmail.com©2024
You know I was teasing I hope. ❤️
I also have to add the finale “ wedding chapel ministers” to my outburst of laughter list, there were SO many great parodies in the post. I’m just shaking my head in wonderment- I mean black light chicken coop dance floor! I could see every description, the Hoover dam gargoyles coming to life..! You aren’t doin’ acid are ya’? It was great! I loved it. After reading ALL these posts on Orderly Jaye it’s like a letter from home- wherever that is! Yay! Have a great night Jaye reading this really lightened my spirit. Good laugh, good wit! M